Xylophone

xylo tree branches

Once upon a time in a world far, far away there lived a tiny xylophone.  His world was filled with many trees and special rocks.  No one spoke and not a sound was made.  Every day he woke and looked up through the trees to the bright blue sky.  He hoped that one day he would find another tiny xylophone just like him.  Days and weeks passed still no one came.  The silence sat heavy upon his ears.

Early one morning a limb fell from the tall oak above him nearly hitting him. Angered by this sudden disruption the rocks gathered around the limb edging closer to tiny Xylo.  Unable to move he tried desperately to make himself  tinier than he could ever remember.  Fearing he would be hurt by the rocks anger he kept very still.  Barely breathing and hoping soon someone would come find him.

Xylophone

Days flowed into nights for Xylo.  He watched closely as the rocks and fallen limb danced in confrontation.  Unable to find an escape from them he decided to settle down and watch.  The daily bickering created smaller lengths of wood from the limb.  There was much chaos that created sounds that both repelled and drew him closer.  Fearing he would be injured in the altercations Xylo hung back.  The rocks continued their assault on the limb breaking more pieces and severing them into smaller pieces.  As night grew dark Xylo fell sleepy, unable to keep his eyes open, sighing he settled into his corner.

The rocks drawing strength from their bravery advanced for a final battle hoping to push the limb completely out of their area.  Xylo exhausted from fear closed his eyes and slept.  The scuffling of the rocks lulled him deeper.  Swaying with the noise he noticed a tiny tingling sound joining the scuffling.  Unable to determine its origin, he slept on swaying to the rhythm of the sounds, heading into dreamland.  He dreamt he was a mighty xylophone tall as the trees above him and solid as the rocks.  He knew his destiny in the dream.  Grasping for anything to make this dream real he determined that no longer would he be frightened by anything that surrounded him.  He determined that when he woke up he would grow to be the best xylophone he could ever imagine and then some.

What dreams are you reluctant to grasp and live?  Go out and exceed your expectations!

X

Visions

Oh we all have them.  We follow them till they dim.  We ignore them till they smack us.  We so want to live them.  They come in all sizes and colors.  Some of them hit the headlines while some just make someone incredibly happy.  I know I have lived many.  It is my understanding their importance is downplayed.  They feed and nurture.  What happens when they are ignored?

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At the mere age of 4 I had a vision of living in a small traveling vehicle visiting all the people I loved.  It was an odd vision since I could not reach the pedals and everyone I loved lived with me.  It was a vision that I clamored to accomplish.  Totally making no sense to my parents, they figured I had an active imagination coupled with a limited english vocabulary.  My mother was tasked with growing my verbal skills and I was given a new coloring book.  Not to be distracted I took my favorite doll and traveled the alleyways scaring my mother to death.  I eventually gave the vision up for another.

Soon I had a vision of becoming the flying nun, traveling the world, healing the sick, teaching and visiting all the people I loved.  My world had broaden to include several years of parochial school and a larger group of people I loved.  This vision moved forward towards accomplishment until one summer day.  My mother and I were inside the convent collecting books for the next fall term.  I happened to spy the living arrangements of the dear nuns.  Upon deeper reflection I gave the vision of the flying nun vocation to the discard pile.

As life would have it, I was faced with a new arena of experiences that required a new vision.  Having recently enrolled in public school the world according to my surroundings changed.  I was engulfed by strangers trying desperately to fit into already established groups.   My first true realization, what I had tried to curtail for others in elementary school the pain of being left out and misunderstood, was a common experience now.   I wasn’t a stranger to the feeling.  We have all had times when we felt left out.  The difference was how constant it became in the new school.   A vision began to grow for me.  I wanted to help others not feel left out and misunderstood.  I wanted everyone to have the same opportunities.  This time I could actually begin to live my vision.  I helped with the civil rights movement, women’s rights, and lowering the voting age.  I typed, handed out leaflets, demonstrated, and walked petitions through neighborhoods.   I was finally actively pursuing my vision.  I saw death, defeat, destruction and success.  I grew up and began to realize the true nature of my visions.  I became aware.  I also had to become real.

1795624_559499050823795_1078788267_nVisions are inspiration from our deepest soul space.  They are signposts upon our journey here.  They are not standard and one size fits all.  Visions incorporate all the wisdom we carry inside.

Having visions allow us to thrive in a world we think has gone mad.  Being a visionary doesn’t require amazing feats.  It only requires willingness to allow your true nature to speak.  A vision of world peace is available to all of us.  When we take the time to examine our visions, changing within us those things curtailing our limiting beliefs, they come alive and flourish.

My simple vision at the age of 4 of traveling and visiting those I love is happening right now.  I can now reach the pedals and my friends are across the globe.  My vision of the flying nun was adjusted.  I don’t wear a habit but I do help those who are ill and in need of company, traveling when necessary.   I continue to help to right injustices, protect our planet, and my favorite, support others in seeing and living their visions.

It took time for me to grow and crack open the world I had hidden deep within me.  I continue to crack and grow and thrive.  My visions develop and express themselves. I tweak them if needed but never change their original voice.  Most importantly I follow them with the same thrill of a 4 year-old.  I will go through the Black Hole one day even if only in my Book.

Happy Visioning!  Make them large and wonderful the world needs you!

V-2

 

 

 

 

L is for Long, Loss, Love, Link and Life

I was originally going to use Long for my word and then I thought of Loss, Love, and Link.  Deciding to use them all around a central idea below is my musing on the long loss of love and the link to life.

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I wasn’t always the best mother to you.  I know that and I am sorry.” I said late that night in early May.  “I am so very proud of you. I love you and long for you to find the life you want.”  With tears in my eyes hidden by my downward glance I spoke strong yet gently to my 21 year old son.  His response of forgiveness, strength, and determination made my heart leap with joy.

Our lives had not always been easy.  I was a single mom for his first 18 months, then marriage to his father for 18 months, a stint of single motherhood for 5 years, another marriage of 13 years dotted with emotional abuse and neglect, and finally another 5 years of single family hood that brought us both to a deeper understanding of the love between us.  My son having just returned from 18 months in the Army joined me in running & building a B&B in Montana and embarking on a new life.  Grateful for having woken to the understanding of who we were and what life truly held for everyone we worked side by side.

In a short 8 months my world would disappear.

The call came around 10am that warm May morning.  Deep down inside I knew something definitive was meant by the man’s message of “Your son and his friend have been in an accident.  They have been taken to the hospital in town.”  Here was a stranger delivering words no one ever wants to hear.  I watched my life merge into a muddy pace as I called out to my business partner to take me to the hospital 15 minutes away in town.  The ache slowly edged its way past the fear settling my mind and bringing a surreal clarity as we drove the miles.  In the distance I glimpsed flashing lights gasping for air I steeled myself as the knowingness from earlier inched closer to my consciousness.  Coming upon the accident I leapt from the van calling to the Universe, “Please not my son, P-L-E-A-S-E!  The trooper turned jockeying his indecision to stop me as a fleeting moment of human love lingered on his face only to be replaced by the robotic role he had been called to play.  My heart shattered.  The essence of love dive bombed past any recognition of my life leaving me numb and lost.

photo-Teri and Josh

Fifteen years is a long time to find your way back by some estimates.  The first week after my son’s death I determined and gave myself permission to take as Long as I needed to heal from the Loss of the Love of my son and find a new way to Link myself to Life.

To give myself permission to explore, heal, build and discover a deeper understanding of life and love was the most courageous gift I could have every imagined.  It wasn’t always easy.  Many days and nights I had to deal with all my guilt.   My anger at the world, myself, my son was given permission to have its turn at the podium.  Time spent realizing that no one could help me heal through this except myself gave me a deeper understanding of life.  In those years after his death, I discovered how truly precious were my friends and family.  Mostly I began to embody how through tragedy and joy we find ourselves and what we think we have lost is still present deep within.  Nothing can truly be lost but sometimes it takes us a long time to realize this truth.

Life is linked to love through loss and the long, deep willingness to feel everything.  Every moment holds love & life in a delicate balance waiting for us to open our eyes and see, feel, hear its call.  You don’t have to experience a loss such as mine to know love and life.  You only need to be open.  Be willing to allow those times of loss to caress you and bring you to a new link, a deeper link to a life and love still waiting.

L